all work. no play.

im at the board n care. bored to death.

what's been happening lately? not much. chillin w. my boyz. trying to make time w. the girls, the best, & the exbf. spending some qt w. my new friends timbo and co. gettin by one day at a time.

I don't have much to write but I did see this on jamas myspace and I thought id post it up..

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect, you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break, her heart . So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."

-Bob Marley

some good stuff. back to watching what I like about you. everyone have a fun and safe friday<3

time can't rewind, it can only move foward.

I'm sorry for blaming you
for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

If I had just one more day,
I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away
it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you

----

I cannot fix what is alreadye broken. I can't apologize because I've done it too many times. I can only take the blame for all my faults and mistakes. I can only wish that as time progresses that I try and learn from this stepping stone in my life. that I try to see the things I've done and to better myself not for anyone else, but for the sake of me. I know now who I was before and need to change. because in order to be loved, I have to also love myself.

I need to stop running away from my problems. need to stop with my bad temper. need to learn how to be more sincere. I need to stop thinking that everyone in this world is out to get me.

I know it to be true that there is a purpose why people come and go in your life. they're there to help mold you. to make an impact. if they hurt you, its only to help give you strength in the pain you may come across in the future. if they're just those ones who are too good to be true, they give you the faith to believe that there are good people out there.


so that's the end of that.

to that one person who I hurt the most, I never meant to do what I did. Im not asking for forgiveness. I just want you to know that everything I have ever done to hurt you, I never did intentionally.

what a wonderful world.

I think my life is finally running in a nice pace.

im going back to school soon. gonna get this radiology thang done as quick as I can. wish me luck!

my best & I are over our rough drought. I love that we can fight the way we do and as soon as its done and over were back to the way we were. I hate fighting w. people so im glad its back to normal!

yesterday I went to soak city w. my nieces and the guy bestfriend. we got there and went straight into the water. went to the wave pool first. it was funny cuz first the water was just chillin..we were all splashin & having a blast. next thing they turn the waves on and my goddaughter (being her first time) starts waaaaailing. I can tell she was having fun but at the same time she was terrified for her life. shed laugh and laugh and as soon as the wave came shed start climbing on my leg trying to get me to carry her screaming "I wanna go home! I wanna go home!" haha. hillarious. afterwards ryan and the older kids went on a ride while me and the little one went to play in the water playground. katelyn is a pootie. haha. she didn't wanna do anything and kept saying, "we need to find ate dez". so ryan took over while me dez and alana went to go on rides. fun times. I got home and was SO pooped. buttt, didn't stop me from going out.

bree picked me up after work where we headed to his house to round up the troops. dom & danny came over. hung out and left for dt. went to the local. had some drinks. jaz met up with us as well as tim and some of his friends. tim and I played the erotica game at the bar. he sucks. haaha. went to dennys afterwards to go eat. too bad tim passed out in his car. missed out on some good ol mothafuckin bacon. HAHAHA! funny. good times indeed.

super cr3w

Vote for super cr3w. thanks. :)

cause ronnie abaldonado is super sexy. haha!

time of the month

Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall

talk about emo huh?
im still waiting for a better day. a day where I can smile like I used to.

let me just say this.. --edited

I love my eldest sister to death. you know why? because SHE actually tries to understand me. she makes me feel better yet she doesn't sugar coat anything. I can tell her everything and anything. she never judges me and always supports me in what I do and the decisions I make (unless its stupid then she tells me otherwise). I can trust her with my secrets. we have almost if not the same sense of humor and alwaaaays knows how to crack me up. without her, my life would definitely be bland. my sister IS my bestfriend. <3

beyonce - flaws&all.

its been a while. mainly because this sk's buttons aren't nearly as good as the old sk buttons. it hurts my hand when I type.

anywho,

id like to think of myself as a very complexed person. I've told several people from time to time that I don't think they'd understand me. I can't even understand myself. there's a lot of things going on in my life that I can't even seem to put into words and now more than ever I close myself up so no one can know what's going on in my thoughts.

it aggrevates me that im a person who can't seem to figure out what I want in life. im such an indecisive person that it can get in the way of the things I do. one day, i want things this way..the next week I want it the total opposite way.............complexed. told you.

im a person who gets bored easily also. so when something becomes too routine I get tired of it and want to move on to something else. another bad flaw.

like a true piscean. im a dreamer. I get so caught up in them that I forget reality and seem to trap myself into twinkles fantasy land. I dream of great things. I also dream of weird things like being shipwrecked and saved by jack sparrows boat only to be stopped halfway into a casino where we bought a compass from the giftshop.

-- im sidetracking.

in my dreams I think of how great it would be to finally figure out what I want to do and who I want to be in life. be stable. find a husband who can finally understand me and my ways and put up with it, no questions asked because he knows that..that's just me and that's just how I am..but all the same..loves me just for that. a husband who helps me better myself when it comes to my attitude, my stubborness, my lack of reasoning sometimes, etc. instead of picking at my faults and having arguments such as "well you do this & you do that" because he knows that when you point fingers it doesn't help the situation any less. one who will never keep tabs of the good things he does for me so that when we do fight won't have to draw it up on a powerpoint presentation. I dream of having a decent sized house. nothing too big because id want to be able to feel safe and secure. I dream of having a dog and 3 kids. a boy & two girls. only because I love dressing girls up but id also love to see my son play in all kinds of sports. I dream of still having my friends who have stuck by me through thick & thin. the ones who never talked shit behind my back. the ones who would still hang out no matter how busy their schedule got.

only time and patience can determine if my dreams and my fantasy land will ever happen in real life. but in order for it to come true, I have to do it...on my own.

still getting by..

7 months today & I still love & miss you the same, if not..more. rest in peace jeff. im always thinking about you.