I'm up super early for the first time in a couple days. I don't know why I'm so tired when I had 7 hours of sleep. ehh.
so, I'm 24. doesn't seem like I got a year older. maybe that's a good thing? my birthday part 1 was awesome. hiep diep picked me up around 4ish. I opened my gifts...1. a padres jersey 2. a salt and pepper shaker (don't ask) 3. a hand stiched cow pillow 4. cow salt and pepper shaker magnets. nice huh? he is just too freakin cute. we went to sushi deli. he ate because I was already full from eating at home. walked to street machine so I could shop. afterwards we headed to the bests house to pick her up. we got to min sok at about 7ish and started taking advantage of the happy hour. 5 bottles and however many shots of soju later and I'm pretty damn drunk. rollcall (from what I can remember): hiep, best, anne, archie, athena, jenny, danny, dom, bree, angela, nancy, marisse, maritess, amber, ronnie, alvin, lailannie, precious, lovely, sheila, marjee, deejay, aj, pat, james, peter, verni, bestfriend ryan, francis & good ol ate grace and kuya joe stopped by. we drank, sang, drank some more. I only remember bits and pieces but I know I had a good time. I ended up sleeping at hieps and from what he told me I passed out in his car for 15 minutes, fell on my way to his house, he had to practically drag me to his room, and I would NOT change into pjs. just passed the fuck out. I woke up the next morning with THEE worst hangover. I wanted to just die. we spent most of the morning in bed watching tv then I took a shower and he made me breakfast. frenchfries, steak & muscles. but me feeling so sick was barely able to touch the food. I ended up jus going back to his room to sleep some more. woke up around 1 and we headed down to pick up dezzy dez. he took us home and I babysat the rascal jacob till my sister got home. hung out and headed back to the boarding care. deng, I still got friday to go through. holy tamole!!! wish me luck!!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
reflecting.
before I forget I just want to reflect on some of the things that's been going on with my life. 2008 definitely has had its ups and downs so far and its only february!! crazy..
january 5th 2008 I lost a friend of mine. jeffrey lorenzo pascua. I've lost some friends I've known in the past before..jr leano, kevin vasquez, steven racca, mike kado (may you all rest in peace) but never had I met someone...spent almost everyday with him and the next day realize that I'm never going to see him again. I remember it just like it was yesterday. friday night me, ronnie, che, alvin and jeff went to landlords. afterwards I was so tired and alvin and I wanted to just go home and sleep. jeff insisted we meet ronnie and che at conchings since ronnie offered to treat us out. we ate and talked about going out for breakfast the next day. alvin and I left early leaving jeff to ride home with ronnie and che. I would've never thought that was the last time I was going to be able to see his face, hear his laugh..hell, I didn't know that the last time I was going to be able to make fun of his beasty ass. saturday morning jeff called alvin asking if we were all going out to eat breakfast but we were all so tired from the night before. we went on with our day and found it weird that jeff hasn't called us yet to see what we were doing. we called but he never answered. an hour later alvin got a call from jeff twice but both times no answer. we thought maybe jeff had other plans so we went to landlords. jeff was the one who was making us all go to landlords for its official last night but he never showed.
7 o clock the next morning alvin and I woke up to a call. I didn't know who called him and what was going on but all I know is someone died. alvin didn't say anything. we just quickly got ready and headed out the door. all he said was to go to resty/jeffs house. we get in and that's when I realized, jeff was gone. car accident going on otay lakes road. died at the scene. it didn't hit me right then and there. everything was such a shock. I didn't know how to feel or what to think. I kept looking at the door thinking jeff was going to walk in like everything was ok..hours passed and nothing. he never came. that week was the hardest week ever. the viewing came around and I was so nervous to see him. then the funeral. it all still didn't seem real to me. its now more than ever do I realize that it is real. he isn't here.
I think of him everyday. I think about how it would be if he were still around. he'd be making me buy him long island ice teas. he'd be iming me 7 o clock in the morning like he always did when we hung out. he'd be doing the rice cooker dance by my side. I miss him. I miss his voice. I miss his beasty ass pushing me around. but I know well be together again and when I see him again it'll be like he never left.
other than that, things have been pretty good. I've got the greatest friends and I've met a lot of new friends.
then there's the one thing that's totally flipped my grey skies and turned them blue. his names hiep diep. he makes me happy. I seriously can't get enough of him. when he's not around I'm thinking about him and when he is around I always wanna just hug him or kiss him. he makes every cute love song make sense. cheesy? I know but who cares. we hang out and once he lives I miss him already and I'm anxiously waiting for the next time ill get to see him. he knows what to do to make me laugh and he knows what to do to assure me that he's not like those other guys. when he kisses my forehead or even when he rubs my back it gives me goosebumps. its been almost a month and I still get excited when he ims me, when I get a txt, and when he calls me. man oh man, he knocks me off my feet.
january 5th 2008 I lost a friend of mine. jeffrey lorenzo pascua. I've lost some friends I've known in the past before..jr leano, kevin vasquez, steven racca, mike kado (may you all rest in peace) but never had I met someone...spent almost everyday with him and the next day realize that I'm never going to see him again. I remember it just like it was yesterday. friday night me, ronnie, che, alvin and jeff went to landlords. afterwards I was so tired and alvin and I wanted to just go home and sleep. jeff insisted we meet ronnie and che at conchings since ronnie offered to treat us out. we ate and talked about going out for breakfast the next day. alvin and I left early leaving jeff to ride home with ronnie and che. I would've never thought that was the last time I was going to be able to see his face, hear his laugh..hell, I didn't know that the last time I was going to be able to make fun of his beasty ass. saturday morning jeff called alvin asking if we were all going out to eat breakfast but we were all so tired from the night before. we went on with our day and found it weird that jeff hasn't called us yet to see what we were doing. we called but he never answered. an hour later alvin got a call from jeff twice but both times no answer. we thought maybe jeff had other plans so we went to landlords. jeff was the one who was making us all go to landlords for its official last night but he never showed.
7 o clock the next morning alvin and I woke up to a call. I didn't know who called him and what was going on but all I know is someone died. alvin didn't say anything. we just quickly got ready and headed out the door. all he said was to go to resty/jeffs house. we get in and that's when I realized, jeff was gone. car accident going on otay lakes road. died at the scene. it didn't hit me right then and there. everything was such a shock. I didn't know how to feel or what to think. I kept looking at the door thinking jeff was going to walk in like everything was ok..hours passed and nothing. he never came. that week was the hardest week ever. the viewing came around and I was so nervous to see him. then the funeral. it all still didn't seem real to me. its now more than ever do I realize that it is real. he isn't here.
I think of him everyday. I think about how it would be if he were still around. he'd be making me buy him long island ice teas. he'd be iming me 7 o clock in the morning like he always did when we hung out. he'd be doing the rice cooker dance by my side. I miss him. I miss his voice. I miss his beasty ass pushing me around. but I know well be together again and when I see him again it'll be like he never left.
other than that, things have been pretty good. I've got the greatest friends and I've met a lot of new friends.
then there's the one thing that's totally flipped my grey skies and turned them blue. his names hiep diep. he makes me happy. I seriously can't get enough of him. when he's not around I'm thinking about him and when he is around I always wanna just hug him or kiss him. he makes every cute love song make sense. cheesy? I know but who cares. we hang out and once he lives I miss him already and I'm anxiously waiting for the next time ill get to see him. he knows what to do to make me laugh and he knows what to do to assure me that he's not like those other guys. when he kisses my forehead or even when he rubs my back it gives me goosebumps. its been almost a month and I still get excited when he ims me, when I get a txt, and when he calls me. man oh man, he knocks me off my feet.
Friday, February 22, 2008
penny for my thoughts? how about a dollar?
can you believe it? I'm turning 24. 24 will soon turn into 25..then 25 is going to turn into 30. holy smokes. I swear when I really sit and think about how I'm turning 24 I think about how it feels like just yesterday I was 20 anxiously waiting to turn 21. ahhhhh. how I wish I can go back 2 years. oh well, at least I don't look my age?
anywho, I've got so much on my mind. mainly because yes, that time of the month has arrived and now I feel like all my troubles and thoughts are a lot heavier on my shoulders than usual. I hate the fact that when I'm on my time of the month I'm so damn emotional. crying for reasons and even sometimes for no reason at all.
I was massaging my moms leg today and it started shaking. her early signs of parkinsons disease scares the bageezus out of me. I know and I'm praying that everything will work out for the best because I know she doesn't deserve the worst. sure she nags and sure we bump heads a lot but its only because she cares. she's a hard worker not only as an lvn but as a mom, wife, and a grandma. I don't want to see her end up like the people here. just the thought makes me sad. I watched my mom put on her jacket to head to work and saw her shaking. its times like when it hits me hard. I don't want her driving in cases like that. I wish I can take her to work. I wish there was more that I can do. sometimes I feel like I don't know what else I can do. I hate seeing her struggle just to get up from the bed. seeing her struggle just to turn around. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. today she gave me a hug before I left and told me how much she's thankful I'm there. I didn't want to let her go. I'm so scared. I don't even know who to talk about this with and even if I had someone to talk about it with I wouldn't even know where or how to start. I hide my fears behind a smile because I don't want people to see me troubled. but how much longer can I pretend that I'm fine?
anywho, I've got so much on my mind. mainly because yes, that time of the month has arrived and now I feel like all my troubles and thoughts are a lot heavier on my shoulders than usual. I hate the fact that when I'm on my time of the month I'm so damn emotional. crying for reasons and even sometimes for no reason at all.
I was massaging my moms leg today and it started shaking. her early signs of parkinsons disease scares the bageezus out of me. I know and I'm praying that everything will work out for the best because I know she doesn't deserve the worst. sure she nags and sure we bump heads a lot but its only because she cares. she's a hard worker not only as an lvn but as a mom, wife, and a grandma. I don't want to see her end up like the people here. just the thought makes me sad. I watched my mom put on her jacket to head to work and saw her shaking. its times like when it hits me hard. I don't want her driving in cases like that. I wish I can take her to work. I wish there was more that I can do. sometimes I feel like I don't know what else I can do. I hate seeing her struggle just to get up from the bed. seeing her struggle just to turn around. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. today she gave me a hug before I left and told me how much she's thankful I'm there. I didn't want to let her go. I'm so scared. I don't even know who to talk about this with and even if I had someone to talk about it with I wouldn't even know where or how to start. I hide my fears behind a smile because I don't want people to see me troubled. but how much longer can I pretend that I'm fine?
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
insomnia.
so its almost 3am and I seriously just can't sleep. then again, I didn't really try. I'm sure that if I jus stared at the ceiling I'd eventually fall asleep.
I'm at the boarding care. I figured I'd stay here even though I don't have to make breakfast or anything because I felt like sleeping on a bed. with me being sick I can't afford to sleep on the couch and waking up with an even more worse sore throat.
yesterday was quite an interesting day. picked up des and dropped her off at the boarding care. hiep didn't have lab so I wanted to go and spend a nice fun filled day with him. I got to his house and we went to get some food. mmMm. spicy chicken. just what I was craving. we decided to go to blockbuster to rent a movie. what I thought was going to be a brief 10 minute trip turned into a long 2 hour debate between 4 for 20 dollar movies. luckily we read it clearer cause we would've looked like idiots thinking that the 14.99 movies counted for one of our awesome movie deals. we ended up getting....::drum roll please:: number 23, vacancy, zodiac, & children of men. I especially loved how we made that big ol fuss only to have watched one movie. we watched number 23 and man that movie is suchhhh a trip.
afterwards we decided to take a nap since we still had so much time before heading to pb with some of the other people. I couldn't sleep due to the fact that my throat felt like edward scissorhands had been climbing up my throat trying to get out my mouth. that and captain snores all loud was right next to me.
we got ready and headed to pb bar and grill with the rest of the gang. I hate that place. the music sucks. the crowd is just a bunch of frat boys having beer contests and fat girls who like to dance on the top floor with their ass crack showing everywhere. the only good thing about it was the company. called it a night and passed the eff out.
I'm at the boarding care. I figured I'd stay here even though I don't have to make breakfast or anything because I felt like sleeping on a bed. with me being sick I can't afford to sleep on the couch and waking up with an even more worse sore throat.
yesterday was quite an interesting day. picked up des and dropped her off at the boarding care. hiep didn't have lab so I wanted to go and spend a nice fun filled day with him. I got to his house and we went to get some food. mmMm. spicy chicken. just what I was craving. we decided to go to blockbuster to rent a movie. what I thought was going to be a brief 10 minute trip turned into a long 2 hour debate between 4 for 20 dollar movies. luckily we read it clearer cause we would've looked like idiots thinking that the 14.99 movies counted for one of our awesome movie deals. we ended up getting....::drum roll please:: number 23, vacancy, zodiac, & children of men. I especially loved how we made that big ol fuss only to have watched one movie. we watched number 23 and man that movie is suchhhh a trip.
afterwards we decided to take a nap since we still had so much time before heading to pb with some of the other people. I couldn't sleep due to the fact that my throat felt like edward scissorhands had been climbing up my throat trying to get out my mouth. that and captain snores all loud was right next to me.
we got ready and headed to pb bar and grill with the rest of the gang. I hate that place. the music sucks. the crowd is just a bunch of frat boys having beer contests and fat girls who like to dance on the top floor with their ass crack showing everywhere. the only good thing about it was the company. called it a night and passed the eff out.
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