its been a while. mainly because this sk's buttons aren't nearly as good as the old sk buttons. it hurts my hand when I type.
anywho,
id like to think of myself as a very complexed person. I've told several people from time to time that I don't think they'd understand me. I can't even understand myself. there's a lot of things going on in my life that I can't even seem to put into words and now more than ever I close myself up so no one can know what's going on in my thoughts.
it aggrevates me that im a person who can't seem to figure out what I want in life. im such an indecisive person that it can get in the way of the things I do. one day, i want things this way..the next week I want it the total opposite way.............complexed. told you.
im a person who gets bored easily also. so when something becomes too routine I get tired of it and want to move on to something else. another bad flaw.
like a true piscean. im a dreamer. I get so caught up in them that I forget reality and seem to trap myself into twinkles fantasy land. I dream of great things. I also dream of weird things like being shipwrecked and saved by jack sparrows boat only to be stopped halfway into a casino where we bought a compass from the giftshop.
-- im sidetracking.
in my dreams I think of how great it would be to finally figure out what I want to do and who I want to be in life. be stable. find a husband who can finally understand me and my ways and put up with it, no questions asked because he knows that..that's just me and that's just how I am..but all the same..loves me just for that. a husband who helps me better myself when it comes to my attitude, my stubborness, my lack of reasoning sometimes, etc. instead of picking at my faults and having arguments such as "well you do this & you do that" because he knows that when you point fingers it doesn't help the situation any less. one who will never keep tabs of the good things he does for me so that when we do fight won't have to draw it up on a powerpoint presentation. I dream of having a decent sized house. nothing too big because id want to be able to feel safe and secure. I dream of having a dog and 3 kids. a boy & two girls. only because I love dressing girls up but id also love to see my son play in all kinds of sports. I dream of still having my friends who have stuck by me through thick & thin. the ones who never talked shit behind my back. the ones who would still hang out no matter how busy their schedule got.
only time and patience can determine if my dreams and my fantasy land will ever happen in real life. but in order for it to come true, I have to do it...on my own.
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Ah you... maybe I should just hire you to be my nanny already. Augh... if only I had the extra money to, I totally would.
You will find your future husband someday soon, Twanks. You're still young and the options out there are infinite. Never settle for less than you're worth.
BUT... you have to also be ok with a less than perfect relationship because all relationships have their ups and downs. It's just a matter of how the two of you recover from those "downs". If you think there is a "perfect" man out there, then you really ARE living in fantasy land! There will be someone perfect enough for YOU, though, even with their flaws and all.
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