can you believe it? I'm turning 24. 24 will soon turn into 25..then 25 is going to turn into 30. holy smokes. I swear when I really sit and think about how I'm turning 24 I think about how it feels like just yesterday I was 20 anxiously waiting to turn 21. ahhhhh. how I wish I can go back 2 years. oh well, at least I don't look my age?
anywho, I've got so much on my mind. mainly because yes, that time of the month has arrived and now I feel like all my troubles and thoughts are a lot heavier on my shoulders than usual. I hate the fact that when I'm on my time of the month I'm so damn emotional. crying for reasons and even sometimes for no reason at all.
I was massaging my moms leg today and it started shaking. her early signs of parkinsons disease scares the bageezus out of me. I know and I'm praying that everything will work out for the best because I know she doesn't deserve the worst. sure she nags and sure we bump heads a lot but its only because she cares. she's a hard worker not only as an lvn but as a mom, wife, and a grandma. I don't want to see her end up like the people here. just the thought makes me sad. I watched my mom put on her jacket to head to work and saw her shaking. its times like when it hits me hard. I don't want her driving in cases like that. I wish I can take her to work. I wish there was more that I can do. sometimes I feel like I don't know what else I can do. I hate seeing her struggle just to get up from the bed. seeing her struggle just to turn around. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. today she gave me a hug before I left and told me how much she's thankful I'm there. I didn't want to let her go. I'm so scared. I don't even know who to talk about this with and even if I had someone to talk about it with I wouldn't even know where or how to start. I hide my fears behind a smile because I don't want people to see me troubled. but how much longer can I pretend that I'm fine?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment