reflecting.

before I forget I just want to reflect on some of the things that's been going on with my life. 2008 definitely has had its ups and downs so far and its only february!! crazy..

january 5th 2008 I lost a friend of mine. jeffrey lorenzo pascua. I've lost some friends I've known in the past before..jr leano, kevin vasquez, steven racca, mike kado (may you all rest in peace) but never had I met someone...spent almost everyday with him and the next day realize that I'm never going to see him again. I remember it just like it was yesterday. friday night me, ronnie, che, alvin and jeff went to landlords. afterwards I was so tired and alvin and I wanted to just go home and sleep. jeff insisted we meet ronnie and che at conchings since ronnie offered to treat us out. we ate and talked about going out for breakfast the next day. alvin and I left early leaving jeff to ride home with ronnie and che. I would've never thought that was the last time I was going to be able to see his face, hear his laugh..hell, I didn't know that the last time I was going to be able to make fun of his beasty ass. saturday morning jeff called alvin asking if we were all going out to eat breakfast but we were all so tired from the night before. we went on with our day and found it weird that jeff hasn't called us yet to see what we were doing. we called but he never answered. an hour later alvin got a call from jeff twice but both times no answer. we thought maybe jeff had other plans so we went to landlords. jeff was the one who was making us all go to landlords for its official last night but he never showed.

7 o clock the next morning alvin and I woke up to a call. I didn't know who called him and what was going on but all I know is someone died. alvin didn't say anything. we just quickly got ready and headed out the door. all he said was to go to resty/jeffs house. we get in and that's when I realized, jeff was gone. car accident going on otay lakes road. died at the scene. it didn't hit me right then and there. everything was such a shock. I didn't know how to feel or what to think. I kept looking at the door thinking jeff was going to walk in like everything was ok..hours passed and nothing. he never came. that week was the hardest week ever. the viewing came around and I was so nervous to see him. then the funeral. it all still didn't seem real to me. its now more than ever do I realize that it is real. he isn't here.

I think of him everyday. I think about how it would be if he were still around. he'd be making me buy him long island ice teas. he'd be iming me 7 o clock in the morning like he always did when we hung out. he'd be doing the rice cooker dance by my side. I miss him. I miss his voice. I miss his beasty ass pushing me around. but I know well be together again and when I see him again it'll be like he never left.

other than that, things have been pretty good. I've got the greatest friends and I've met a lot of new friends.

then there's the one thing that's totally flipped my grey skies and turned them blue. his names hiep diep. he makes me happy. I seriously can't get enough of him. when he's not around I'm thinking about him and when he is around I always wanna just hug him or kiss him. he makes every cute love song make sense. cheesy? I know but who cares. we hang out and once he lives I miss him already and I'm anxiously waiting for the next time ill get to see him. he knows what to do to make me laugh and he knows what to do to assure me that he's not like those other guys. when he kisses my forehead or even when he rubs my back it gives me goosebumps. its been almost a month and I still get excited when he ims me, when I get a txt, and when he calls me. man oh man, he knocks me off my feet.