everyone has their first love correct?
i remember my first real boyfriend. i say REAL because i dont count these so called "relationships" i had in hs or jr high. in fact, a lot of the guys in hs were just guys i dated. they were never formally called "boyfriend" and its not like we ever hung out OUTSIDE of school. haha! anyway, my first boyfriend. dante raphael concepcion jr. a lot of people didnt understand why him and i broke up. thats because they never saw us when we fought. things arent always as they seem i guess you can say. our fights were always indoors but when we'd go out to hang out with people we were always so casual. after a while we were just pretending like we were the same happy couple we were in the beginning. dante and i were so alike in so many ways it was almost scary. there wasnt anything wrong with him. he never treated me bad. he never made me feel less of a person. he knew how to make me laugh. he was the first and probably the last guy whod cry in front of me. i remember it like it was yesterday, my family and i had went to vegas for his birthday and we fought about something..i cant remember now but i just remember leaving the room to get some coffee and when i came back to the room he was gone. i went outside of the hotel and found him sitting on a bench smoking. i sat next to him and it was quiet for a while. i finally look over and i see a tear run down his face. now guys who think they shouldnt cry in front of a girl is not a guy. then i said, "why are you crying?" and at first he denies it then finally he says, "because i dont want you to leave me." haha. so i mean, we had our ups and we definitely had our downs. it was until towards the end of our first year when things really started to get bad. i have really bad insecurity issues. i kept thinking over and over, "why is a guy this good with someone like me for this long? hes GOT to be doing something wrong." then more and more did that thought keep overpowering me. i slowly became more and more insecure to the point where our fights were everyday. it didnt help that he was sneaking in texts from random girls, then he started lying and saying he was "just with the guys" then id find out hed be with these "guys" along with a bunch of "these girls". now that i think of it, if i hadnt been so insecure in the first place then maybe he wouldnt have to sneak texts or say he wasnt with girls. if i had just been trusting in the first place, it wouldnt have blown up the way it did.
so now ive come to this final thought, was i ever in love with dante? because isnt love about trusting that person and not letting your insecurities get the best of you? shouldnt love be about honesty and communication? something in which i obviously didnt see towards the end of our relationship. what would you call it?
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