rainy days

boy have i missed it. i love the rain. not everyday but once in a while its nice to look out and see everything all mellow. i love it cause it makes me feel lazy. a good lazy. the type of lazy where it just feels good to be under some comfy sheets watching some tv.



yesterday marked jeffs 4 months. 4 months? can you believe that? i swear it was just like yesterday that i said goodbye to him at glen abby. i read annes blog. very deep. dont worry cousin, when it comes to jeff i think about the same things. im sure everyone does. at least, everyone that i talk to does. hes in my prayers every night and in my thoughts everyday. life really isnt the same without him. i started thinking, will i ever be okay? sometimes i get scared that i'll forget how he sounds, what he looks like, how he laughs, how weird he was. i try to remember everything about him. i absolutely hate hate hate the fact that hes gone. whenever the 5th hits i always seem to wish i could figure out a way to get him back but i know that'll never happen.

i have a lot on my mind. a lot of things that are bothering me. but none of which i want to really discuss through blogs right now. lets just say, it sucks when the people you care about, dont really have your back like you thought they did. dont get me wrong, there are those who DO have my back and i appreciate it and i love you unconditionally for it. but the ones who dont are the ones im dissapointed in.